


The rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun

by sallysimpsons



Series: 90s boyfriends [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 1990s, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallysimpsons/pseuds/sallysimpsons
Summary: Either way, there is no other solution than to make this feeling go away. They're in a band together, Luke probably doesn't even like boys, and he's just bored, and even if he weren’t, if they were to be together somehow and then break up it would be awful for the whole band. Maybe he should join a girl band, no risk to like anyone there, he thinks as he walks back home from the beach that day.or: Alex wants to move on and forget all about his feelings for Luke, but it's not working as much as he wished it would.
Relationships: Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: 90s boyfriends [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014297
Comments: 8
Kudos: 102





	The rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun

**Author's Note:**

> This is the 2nd part of [Something in the way](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27424570), and there might be a third because I can't get these two out of my head, apparently. 
> 
> Also I suck at finding decent titles. I love Paul McCartney.

Anytime they're not rehearsing, Alex leaves the garage and goes for long walks. He doesn't explain anything to Luke, he just leaves and walks until he reaches the beach, and sometimes he sits there, near the ocean, until he loses track of time. It's a bit dramatic, maybe, but he has decided that he can't be in the same room as Luke all by himself if not strictly necessary. This crush he has on his bandmate and current roommate has to go away and Alex is facing it the only way he can. He could talk about it with someone, but the only people he's hanging out with are Reggie and Bobby and he would love some external opinion on the whole matter. Not to mention that he doesn't want to talk to either Reggie or Bobby of the times that he and Luke made out on the couch in the same room where all of them rehearse for hours every day. Either way, there is no other solution than to make this feeling go away. They're in a band together, Luke probably doesn't even like boys, and he's just bored, and even if he weren’t, if they were to be together somehow and then break up it would be awful for the whole band. Maybe he should join a girl band, no risk to like anyone there, he thinks as he walks back home from the beach that day. He stops by the music shop to buy some new drumsticks, everything to delay his return to Bobby's garage. The guy behind the counter knows him by now, asks him how things are going with the band. Alex has promised him to bring him the demo as soon as they manage to record it. Alex is out of the shop in less than five minutes, which means he'll have to find a new shop to go to, where the clerk doesn't know exactly the kind of drumsticks he's looking for. He's too close to home now and he cannot think of any other detour. And he hates that he has started to think of that place as home. Alex doesn't want that garage to be home, and he's not sure if it's because it's a garage or if it's because he's sharing it with Luke. He knows that it's temporary but he also knows that he won't have enough money to get his own place for a long time, and thus live with Luke for even longer. 

For a moment he thinks of going to a payphone, of calling his parents. Alex misses them terribly but he knows they don’t, that they’ve erased their son from their lives. 

Alex dreads the moment he'll get there and find Luke on the couch, probably writing or trying to write a song - he's pretty sure he's been trying to write something about his parents if he knows him well enough, but he's not ready to share it with him - with  _ them  _ \- yet. But when he goes inside the garage, no one is there. Luke's guitar and notebook aren't there either so he's probably somewhere with Bobby, back in the house. Sometimes they do when they want to do their guitar stuff. Alex always makes fun of them, says they're part of some weird cult. 

He sits behind the drums and tries out a bit of one of the songs that they're thinking of recording for their demo. It sounds good but it's not enough. They have a concert in a week, and Alex is suddenly overcome by a rush of sadness, thinking about how enthusiastic his parents were anytime the four of them booked a gig. How supportive they were of their music. How supportive they were of their son, up until they weren't anymore. 

"Oh woah, easy there, Alex." 

He doesn't realize how hard he's hitting his drums until Luke calls him out. Lucky thing he wasn't using the new drumsticks. 

"Didn't hear you come in," he says, which is weird, considering how focused he is on everything regarding Luke these days. 

"You were going at it pretty hard," Luke points out, then adds "everything's okay?" 

"Uhm - yeah. You know, the usual." Luke nods and Alex doesn't need to add anything else to it, they both know what he means. 

"Do you want to go have dinner somewhere?" Just what he needs right now. Going out to dinner with Luke. He sits on the couch, guitar on his lap. "Before you decide, though, I want you to hear the new song I was trying out with Bobby." 

"Weren't you a bit stuck with it?" 

"What? No. Oh - that's a whole other thing." He dismisses it waving his hand in front of him. "But, listen to this."  _ Take off, last stop. _ Alex loves the song from start to finish. Still sitting behind his drums, he tries to play along. 

"I can't wait to play it in front of the crowd at the show next week," Alex says. It’s so energetic and he loves Luke’s writing (he currently loves everything about Luke which is a big problem). 

"Do you think?" A smile lights up Luke's whole face. "I can't wait to play it for Reggie tomorrow." Alex is still sitting behind his drums as if staying there creates a sort of a protective shield from Luke, who's currently putting the guitar back in its case. "So, dinner?" He asks, as he looks back at Alex. He says yes, of course he says yes, because Alex could never say no to a happy Luke. The protective shield isn’t working that well. 

They walk to a diner not far from Bobby's place, the only place they ever go to because they're broke and they know they will serve huge portions of fries to them. They never say it out loud, but it's also because they're sure they're never going to meet their parents there. There are a lot of things unsaid between them lately, and tonight isn't any different as they're silently walking to the diner. 

Alex orders the mac and cheese, because it reminds him of his mom. “My mom always made me mac and cheese when she knew I was feeling down. She always knew,” he explains as he waits for their orders to arrive. He figures it’s a start, to open up to Luke again about his parents. 

“I can tell when you’re down and I make a good mac and cheese,” Luke points out. The waitress brings them some water. 

“You - you want to be my new mom?” He jokes, pouring some water in both their glasses.

“Wouldn’t it be slightly inappropriate?” Alex is almost choking on water then, not expecting such a comeback from Luke, who has a cheeky grin on his face. He’s the king of deadpan sentences, not Luke. Alex coughs a little and then tries to regain his composure but he’s quite sure he’s not going to for the rest of the night. 

“It’s - okay. Right. Yeah.” Luke has still this huge grin on his face, and he should be glad they’re in a public place with a table between them or he would be kissing that grin away in an instant. “You almost killed me, you shouldn’t be so happy about it.” 

“Uhm - sorry.” Luke takes him seriously and his face changes completely, his lips puckering now, and his eyes trying to look stern. “So, what about your mom mac and cheese recipe?” 

“No - please, no more talk about my mom. You made it weird.” They both start laughing next, as the waitress brings them their orders. It’s not exactly what Alex was expecting from this evening, but at least they’re laughing. For a moment, the weight of everything that has been going on in both their lives has been lifted off. 

“You know it sucks that - uhm - lately we haven’t been able to talk the way we used to,” Alex says when they’re leaving the diner, the unlit streets giving him the courage he didn’t have before to speak. 

“Yeah, I know.” They both walk back with their hands in their pockets, trying to stay warm on a chilly winter night. “You’re the only person that actually gets what I’m going through and I feel like I’m shutting you out of it, and I don’t even know why.” They both agree and it’s a stream of memories from there, happy memories with their parents, and Alex is only mildly disappointed that they haven’t tackled the other issue as much as they wanted to. 

When they’re back to the garage, both sitting on the couch, Luke hands him his notebook. “I wanted to do this by myself, but it’s stupid. I’ve been trying to write this about my mom for a few days now and I’m stuck, but I want you to read what I’ve got so far.” 

“I figured,” Alex confesses, as he reads the lyrics. “Do you - do you have a melody in mind?”

“I do.” Luke starts to sing the first few lines, trying to keep his voice down. The others aren’t wrong when they say that he’s the emotional one out of the four of them, but he dares either Reggie or Bobby not to start crying during Luke’s performance, the raw emotion of his voice, and the lyrics. As soon as he’s done, Luke wipes the tears from Alex’s face, his eyes tear-eyed too. This is too intense and Alex doesn’t want to ruin it by doing what he usually does when they’re both alone on that couch, so he gets up fast, almost running to the bathroom. When he comes back outside, thinking of how stupid it was to do that, Luke is already asleep, or at least pretending to. He climbs to the mezzanine, lying on the mattress they had somehow brought up there a few months back. When Alex finally falls asleep, he dreams of his home and his mom making him mac and cheese as he does his math homework at the kitchen table. 

When he wakes up the next morning, Luke isn’t there. Sometimes to earn some money they go busking around town, but his guitar is there and Alex doesn’t think that Luke is starting an acapella group. He leaves a note for Reggie, in case he decides to skip school once again and come to the garage to rehearse, which is happening often these days. Luke and Alex are a bad influence on him. 

He walks to the beach, he does it without thinking, he goes on autopilot, but rapidly Alex realizes that that’s  _ his  _ spot and Luke wouldn’t know about it. He wonders for a moment if Luke doesn’t want to be found, but in the end, Alex decides against it and tries to walk to Luke’s place, or rather, his parents’ place now. He finds him sitting on a bench halfway through. Luke has his notebook with him, scribbling something down, as Alex sits next to him. 

“Hey,” he says without looking up. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Alex asks, sheepishly. 

“Well, you literally ran away and locked yourself in the bathroom last night.” 

“Right. I’m sorry. I panicked,” he looks straight ahead, trying to collect his thoughts. People are passing by, going on with their regular days, unaware of all the emotions going through Alex’s mind right now. He has to say it out loud. “I just don’t know how to deal with these - things. Feelings. I have for you.” He looks at his lap next, Alex has hidden both his hands inside his sweatshirt’s sleeves, he can’t keep them still. “You’re my best friend and you’re - well, I don’t know if you actually like me  _ that  _ way.” 

“Alex. I don’t go around kissing all my friends, you know,” Luke says. “Just  _ a few  _ of them.” 

Alex finally looks up at him and shakes his head. “I felt that vibe between you and Reggie.” 

“I can’t hide anything from you,” Luke says it in a playful tone but he’s dead serious as he looks Alex in the eyes. “I mean, you found me here. Even when I try to hide from you, you find me,” he adds, a shift in his tone, now matching his expression. Alex takes his right hand out of his sleeve and takes Luke’s hand in his, if only for a short moment. They both smile at each other. 

“It’s - listen, it’s confusing, Luke,” Alex says, again looking straight ahead because he can’t seem to articulate any word if he looks directly at him. “You’re my best friend and you like girls. And I’m not a girl.” 

“Don’t you think it’s confusing for me too? Alex - ” He stops himself, and Alex wants to say something, anything, but he’s also at a loss of words here. “You know I suck with words and you’re not helping here, but. I couldn’t sleep last night, I had these words stuck in my head for days. I wrote them down and I had almost a whole song, right there. I can’t write a whole song for my mom but it took me a few hours to write this.” He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and passes it to Alex who starts to read it immediately.

_ Life is a risk, but I will take it _

_ Close my eyes and jump _

_ Together, I think that we can make it _

_ C'mon let's run _

He can’t get past those lines, his vision is all blurred. Last night’s song has struck a chord in him and made Alex cry, sure, but this is different. This is everything he feels written on paper. It’s as if he tore open his chest and ripped his heart out, out in the open for the whole world to see. 

“Can we, uhm, go back to the garage?” He asks, voice broken. It’s Luke that takes Alex’s hand in his for a short moment, squeezing it. 

“Of course,” Luke answers, voice soft. 

Alex holds the piece of paper for the whole walk back, finally reading the rest of it. 

“We will fight to shine together, bright forever,” he recites when they’re back in the garage, voice low. They’re back on the couch but this time they aren’t afraid of what will come next. Luke doesn’t even say anything, he kisses him as he has never done before, Alex doesn’t know how he can tell, but it’s different. In a good way. Luke pulls him in and Alex doesn’t want him to ever let him go. And there are still so many things they have to figure out and so many things they haven’t talked about but right now on that couch, Alex feels that they are going to be okay. And he hasn’t felt  _ okay  _ in a long time. 


End file.
